Reviews of two Captain Disaster ebooks

Blogger Phil Leader has kindly reviewed not one but two of my Captain Disaster ebooks on GoodReads - The Captain Disaster Collection and The Damaris Touch,  They both got a solid 4 star rating.

Captain Disaster Collection - Free for 2 days

The Captain Disaster Collection will be free on 1st and 2nd June 2018.

I'm having a new cover designed for it too, but not sure if that will be ready in time for the free promo.

The Captain Disaster Collection is FREE on #StarWarsDay

Yes folks, for the wonder that is Star Wars Day, I am going to make The Captain Disaster Collection FREE for the day.

May the Fourth be with you.  Always.  Or for one day anyway.

(If anyone does take up this offer, leaving a rating / review would be much appreciated.)

FREE TODAY ONLY - The Captain Disaster Collection

Get it here

Don't forget to leave a review if you like it!

Free promo continues today

Well due mainly to quite a few Twitter buddies answering my call for help in advertising my free promo, it's been going rather well so far - certainly better than previous efforts.  The Captain Disaster Collection has managed to achieve Top 10 in the category Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Science Fiction > Anthologies & Short Stories in both the US and UK stores.  (Admittedly this is an extremely low competition area but it's still rather pleasing!)

Hoping for some more downloads today to consolidate top ten status.

• The Captain Disaster Collection
• Captain Disaster: The Damaris Touch

I'm enormously grateful to anyone who downloads either or both ebooks and especially anyone who does so and then leaves a review!

Fancy a bit of Captain Disaster?

The Captain Disaster Collection is free today, tomorrow and Saturday.

Captain Disaster: The Damaris Touch is free today and tomorrow.

Bargain Booksy experiment

Decided to get some paid advertising on Bargain Booksy - not an overwhelming success but at least I sold 5 copies of The Captain Disaster Collection - hopefully will get a couple of reviews from that as well.  Only made back about 30% of the cost of advertising though, maybe some KindleUnlimited page views in the coming weeks, if so it may even get to the stage where I would consider it a definite success.  Anyway, the effort continues!

Captain Disaster BUMPER FREE PROMO WEEKEND!

This weekend (11th and 12th February 2017), both The Captain Disaster Collection and the recently released Captain Disaster: The Damaris Touch will be on free promo.

Another review of "The Captain Disaster Collection"

Just noticed a lovely review of The Captain Disaster Collection.

"A thoroughly entertaining read, definitely worth checking out if you love sci-fi comedies.It's like a lovely hybrid of Buck Rogers, Star Trek, Red Dwarf, and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I really enjoy the tongue-in-cheek humor, but there's more to it than just that. The fantasy world this series portrays is very well-written, with believable, witty dialogue. There's interesting characters and situations, with plenty of action to boot. You'll soon find yourself fully immersed and waiting on the edge of your seat for what comes next."

New cover for The Captain Disaster Collection

I decided this needed updating, mainly after seeing thumbnails which clearly gave away the fact that the text was unreadable in a small image.  The Amazon page for the eBook probably won't update for a couple of days, but here it is:

New review - The Captain Disaster Collection

Nice compliments and very fair criticisms! :-D  (Although I would point out that the stories came first, the video games were actually based on the stories originally.  It's just that this reader knew about the games before the stories.)

"The Captain Disaster Collection is a quick and enjoyable read, containing 11 short stories. Captain Disaster originates from a series of videogames and is a sci-fi parody with lots of silly humor, weird characters and wild ideas. In its best moments it evokes the spirit of Douglas Adams, while in its worst the author is trying too hard to force jokes into every single line while repeatedly breaking the 4th wall for no reason.

But even if the humor is somewhat hit-and-miss and there's no such thing as a cohesive plot, this little ebook with its fast-paced writing style is highly entertaining. This book won't change your life, but if you like this kind of humor, Captain Disaster will put a smile on your face."

Preview of The Captain Disaster Collection

The Captain Disaster Collection - 60% off!

Starting today for 5 days, The Captain Disaster Collection will be a whopping 60% off the normal price - so $1.24 instead of $2.99 (or £0.99 instead of £2.45).  Get it while it's cheap!

Amazon (UK)
Amazon (US)

The Captain Disaster Collection - new cover

Because the ebook deserved an at least halfway decent cover, I came up with this.  I made it using two pieces of promotional artwork created for the Captain Disaster games by Antoni Langen, who I've worked with on a few games in the past - and am working on one super-exciting cyberpunk game project right now ;-D.

Just in case this makes you want to buy the ebook, here's the link!

Excerpt 4 from The Captain Disaster Collection

Excerpt from Episode 9 - "Lighter Than Fast."

"Excuse me, I want to come in", said the handsome stranger, ignoring all the rules of space, such as that which said if you didn't wear a helmet in deep space you'd die.

Ignoring all the rules of space-flight, especially the one that said you shouldn't open a door in deep space on a Monday evening, they opened the door and let the handsome stranger in.

"Sorry about that, but I'm late, you see. I've got to save the planet Galgatron." He sounded like Alec Guinness with constipation.

"But I've already done that! And I didn't get a big hairy thing called a Koowy! What's your problem?"

"Oh, hold on, that's the other episode, isn't it?" came the startled reply from a man who was startled.

"What, you mean the first episode?"

"Yes, the forth episode."

"The fourth episode?"

"That's the first episode."

"So you're in the first episode?"

"Yes. The fourth one."

"Wod?"

"Actually, that means I don't exist yet. Oh, hang on a minute. Yes I do. I'm just a lot older than I am now." With that he aged before their eyes. "Then I'm going to die, and then I'll be young again and start getting older. But if you kill me I will only grow stronger. I think."

"Ah", said everybody, nodding their heads sagely, as they did from thyme to thyme.

See also:  

• Extract 1 from The Captain Disaster Collection
• Extract 2 from The Captain Disaster Collection
• Extract 3 from The Captain Disaster Collection

Buy The Captain Disaster Collection (Amazon Kindle Edition)

Excerpt 3 from The Captain Disaster Collection

Excerpt from Episode 10  - Do Androids Dream of Electronic Beeps?

“Hailing channel open.”

“We are the Bjork. You will be assimilated. We shall sing to you in Elfin tones. Resistance is Futile. Oh, and do you have a packet of sugar we can borrow?”

“OH NO, NOT THE BJORK!!!!”, screamed The Fearless Captain Disaster, The Brave Flossy and The Odorous Zero-Bit as one.

“Not The Bjork who assimilate you into an homogenous whole!”, cried Fearless.

“Not The Bjork who make such a hideous screeching noise that your spirit is destroyed!”, wailed Brave.

“Not The Bjork who borrow your sugar and never return it or even so much as say thank you!”, squealed Odorous.

“Oh come on now, we’re not all that bad, you know. It’s quite fun being part of a homogenous whole. Just ask a bottle of milk.”

While they considered this intriguing insight, they could observe in the viewer that the alien craft turning very slowly to face them, a sure sign that they were preparing to assimilate them. As Disaster Area was trapped in a tractor beam by now, the fact that it was turning very slowly was merely to add to the terror factor.

There was a smell of putrefying aborigine in the air. Captain Disaster mumbled an apology.

“There is no escape. Resistance is futile.”

“Yes, yes, thank you, you told us that already. Why are you determined to clutter up the dialogue with repetitious rubbish?”, fumed Zero-Bit.  (In fact, the reason for the repetitious rubbish in the dialogue was down to an unusually low level of inspiration and caffeine.)

Quoth Flossy, “wherefore doth thou afflict this good ship? Thou art a raven!”

Quoth The Bjork, “WOD?”

“Quack”, quoth the Raven. (It had personality issues).

See also:  

• Extract 1 from The Captain Disaster Collection
• Extract 2 from The Captain Disaster Collection

Buy The Captain Disaster Collection (Amazon Kindle Edition)

Excerpt 2 from The Captain Disaster Collection

From Episode 7 - "Correctness, Politically Speaking"

Landing on the floor in Paris was forbidden, so they did it anyway. The person who came to meet them from Customs spoke English with an over-the-top accent.

"Yo cinnot lond har. Et eese fobeedan."

Zero-Bit thought it was all a bit stereotyped and shot him with a Scum-Neutraliser. With that they went to London, hoping to find them speaking normal English, and not the type of English spoken by the "English" in American films. They also hoped to avoid anyone who might make the kind of stomach-churning speech that the president did in Independence Day. In both respects, they succeeded.

"Right, you're nicked." (Okay, so they didn't completely escape inane stereotypes.)

"Why? What have we done?" asked a confused Captain.

"We ain't done noffink wrong, we ain't!" interjected ZB, quickly dispelling the myth that computers can't speak bad English.

"For not speaking properly! And, prior to that, for parking in an unauthorised parking space, with an unidentified space-faring vessel, for an undisclosed purpose. You are hereby charged with traffic-code violation number 21435b subsection g paragraph 42f line 465r, footnote #*@@.  You have the right to remain silent. But I must warn you that, if you later remain silent when not doing so now, or relying in the future on something you say in the future but not now, or if you forget what you've said at any time and then try to rely on it in court, or say something, forget it, then remember it and fail to rely on it in court when asked to restore certain details omitted from your testimony when I ask you in five minutes, or say nothing, then say something, I forget to write it down, then remember it, and you try to claim you never said it even though you did and I managed to recall it and made a record for the court, you may be liable to hanging. In the event of none of these things happening, you may be tried for treason, or heard for heresy. If I don't like your face, I have no right whatsoever to shoot you like a dog on the spot, but that won't stop me from doing it. If you get on the wrong side of the Masonic Lodge, especially the local one of which I am a member, you will be forced to walk through the House of Commons wearing a white apron and some pretty little bells, and hung upside down in a block of concrete under Tower Bridge, and then tried for committing suicide. Is that perfectly clear and understandable?" asked a slightly out of breath Sergeant (soon to be made DCI).

"No" replied CD and ZB in perfect unison.

"Right, off to the station with you then."

The station was of a completely unremarkable design, which I won't remark on. There were signs up everywhere advertising the latest craze: personal police people. These were people, who also happened to be police, who provided a personal service. (You'd never have worked it out by yourself, would you?)

The Chief Superintendent intentionally inclined his head so as to make it appear bigger than it was. As no-one was looking, this was something of a wasted effort, but at least there was a mirror close by for him to note the effect. His moustache draped into his cup of tea. The lice from his moustache gladly jumped in and drowned themselves.  Theirs, after all, had been unhappy existences. He flossed thrice daily, and little bits of plaque attached themselves to the hairy protrusion above his lip, sometimes disemboweling a louse in the process.

"Name?" he growled gruffly, gleefully glancing at Glenda, who was perching her pencil precariously in a predictably ponderous position.

"Pardon? My ear-wax just proliferated", said Captainos Disasteros, the famous Greek gusset gleaner.

"Obstructing the course of justice, are you? Right, take him to the dock charged with first degree murder. And find him guilty." He leant back on his chair, sneering an evil sneer evilly. As he fell over backwards, that evil sneer became something more akin to the expression of a man who's just made himself look very stupid indeed.

"And charge him with burglary, too!", said the chair (apparently).

"Capitan Disatser" mispronounced the judge, "you are hereby charged with lots of rather naughty things and thereby sentenced to death by halitosis."

See also: Excerpt 1 from The Captain Disaster Collection

Or, even better, buy the eBook!

Excerpt from The Captain Disaster Collection

This is from Episode 3 - Wormhole

Wormholes are, in fact, extremely rare, as there aren't many Space-worms around to make them. Space-worms are unusual creatures in that they are made from pure nucleonic power, and are about fifteen light-years long. Apart from those things, however, they differ vastly from the wrath of an average housewife. Their sole purpose seems to be that of wrecking the universe, which is pretty stupid as that would result in their destruction as well, but then they're pretty stupid creatures. Wormholes are, contrary to some extremely far-fetched ideas (such as that they're caused by butterflies), caused by space-worms boring holes from one dimension into another.  Wormcasts in space are quite another matter, but we won't go into that right now....

                                                                      

"Oh look, that's a pretty wormhole!" piped up Zero-bit.

"Get real! That's not a wormhole, that's a..... a..... that's a wormhole.  Oh.  What's a wormhole doing here, just outside junction eleven then?"

"Beats me. It seems to be quite a new one, too."

"How can you tell if it's new or not?"

"Er, well you wouldn't be able to because I filter it out before it gets to the cabin, but boy do they smell!"

"Aha. So, is that good?"

"Well, good and bad for the same reason.  We might see a space-worm."

"Why would that be good?"

"Because we'd be the first ones to ever get pictures of one, and we could sell them and get mega-rich! Even richer than your relatives were in the height of their richness. And famous, we'd be famous beyond our wildest dreams!"

"My wildest dreams are rarely about being famous, but we won't go into that right now, ZB. What's the bad news?"

"We'd get fried if we got within 100 million miles of the thing."

"Aha. So, is that bad?"

"Weren't you listening to me?"

"No, I was just reading the autocue. Damned thing must have gone up the creek again."

See also: Excerpt 2 from The Captain Disaster Collection

The Captain Disaster Collection (Amazon Kindle Edition) features 11 episodes, and is available from Amazon UK, Amazon US and in fact Amazon anywhere else.

Captain Disaster Collection - Amazon Kindle version - now live

Something that comedy science fiction lovers who don't mind silliness and gratuitous 4th wall breaking will enjoy, The Captain Disaster Collection is now available for Amazon Kindle.  As an experiment I'm scrubbing everything from my old Lulu publishing list, so Kindle is the only platform any of my eBooks are going to be available on right now.

Available on Amazon UK and Amazon US, among others.