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Excerpts from published eBooks

Captain Disaster: The Dark Side of the Moon - 1 2 3
The Captain Disaster Collection - 1 2 3 4
The Mellow Hip of the Thing - 1 2 3
Captain Disaster: The Damaris Touch - 1 2
Outside, Inside - 1 2 3 4

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Excerpt 3 from The Captain Disaster Collection

Excerpt from Episode 10  - Do Androids Dream of Electronic Beeps?

“Hailing channel open.”

“We are the Bjork. You will be assimilated. We shall sing to you in Elfin tones. Resistance is Futile. Oh, and do you have a packet of sugar we can borrow?”

OH NO, NOT THE BJORK!!!!”, screamed The Fearless Captain Disaster, The Brave Flossy and The Odorous Zero-Bit as one.

“Not The Bjork who assimilate you into an homogenous whole!”, cried Fearless.

“Not The Bjork who make such a hideous screeching noise that your spirit is destroyed!”, wailed Brave.

“Not The Bjork who borrow your sugar and never return it or even so much as say thank you!”, squealed Odorous.

Oh come on now, we’re not all that bad, you know. It’s quite fun being part of a homogenous whole. Just ask a bottle of milk.”

While they considered this intriguing insight, they could observe in the viewer that the alien craft turning very slowly to face them, a sure sign that they were preparing to assimilate them. As Disaster Area was trapped in a tractor beam by now, the fact that it was turning very slowly was merely to add to the terror factor.

There was a smell of putrefying aborigine in the air. Captain Disaster mumbled an apology.

“There is no escape. Resistance is futile.”

“Yes, yes, thank you, you told us that already. Why are you determined to clutter up the dialogue with repetitious rubbish?”, fumed Zero-Bit.  (In fact, the reason for the repetitious rubbish in the dialogue was down to an unusually low level of inspiration and caffeine.)

Quoth Flossy, “wherefore doth thou afflict this good ship? Thou art a raven!”

Quoth The Bjork, “WOD?”

“Quack”, quoth the Raven. (It had personality issues).

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