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Excerpts from published eBooks

Captain Disaster: The Dark Side of the Moon - 1 2 3
The Captain Disaster Collection - 1 2 3 4
The Mellow Hip of the Thing - 1 2 3
Captain Disaster: The Damaris Touch - 1 2
Outside, Inside - 1 2 3 4

Friday, 2 December 2016

Excerpt 2 from "Captain Disaster: The Dark Side of the Moon"

Nearby was a huge diamond, presumably the “Crazy Diamond” that Floyd had told them about.  It was obvious even to someone with the Captain’s dizzying lack of intellect that there was something wrong with it.  He tried shouting various encouraging mottos at it, including “Shine On!”, but none of these appeared to help.

“Hey, look over there!” shouted Paul.  CD followed where Paul was pointing to until he realised that Paul had no fingers, or hands, or arms.  Somehow he still managed to end up in the right place (narrative flow rules!).  It was a mining rig of some sort.  There was an unearthly smell in the area.

“That” said Paul excitedly, “is pure Promethium, the world’s most powerful, and smelliest, propellant.  Much sought after all around the galaxy.”

The Rock (no not Dwayne Johnson, the other one, called Paul) further expounded: “It was really quite ingenious of the moon’s original terraformers; they set up the correct set of raw materials and chemical catalysts to create promethium over the course of mere centuries instead of hundreds of thousands of years, as it takes unaided in nature.  They added nanobots to oversee and enhance the process.  Then they used the future value of this resource to offset the actual cost of creating the moon.”

“Impressive” said the Captain, “but even more impressive is, I’ve found this cool oversized contact lens!”

“You fool!” cried Paul, “you have doomed us all!”

CD was panic-stricken.  “What? Why?!  How??!!   What is it?!?!?!   What will it do?!?!?!?!?!?!?  Why me, I’m so young!!!!! >>>>>>:::::: <<<<{{{{}}}} ::::@@@@ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Paul was mightily impressed at the number of non-alphanumerical characters in that outburst.  “Actually nothing, I’ve just always wanted to say that.  Dramatic flair and whatnot.”

CD consigned Paul to the deepest, darkest pocket for several hours.  Eventually he got bored of having no-one to talk to see set Paul free, bringing him into the light once more.  “Totally worth it” quoth the rock.

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