Introduction to "The Damaris Touch"

In addition to my novel, which is slowly moving (more slowly than I'd like but I'm trying to pick up the pace!), I'm writing a new Captain Disaster short story.  Depending on the length, I think this plus The Captain Disaster Collection plus Captain Disaster: The Dark Side of the Moon might be enough to package together as a paperback.  Anyway, enjoy the typically stupid introduction to the next adventure!

“What are we going to do with this huge quantity of horrible gunk, ZB?”

“Well… we could always dump it out of the cargo bay.”

Captain Disaster frowned.  “But… but… but… I won it!”

“Yes” replied Zero-Bit, “but you don’t want it.”

“Well, who would want Horstle & Glinkk’s Pineapple and Zelderguiest Fruit Anti-Matter Wicked Strength Chipotle Sauce?  It’s absolutely disgusting.”

“Indeed.  Which begs the question, why did you enter the competition in the first place?”

“The communication said I had been specially selected for a chance to win!”

After a short burst of static which sounded like the electrical equivalent of a snort of derision, ZB shouted “it ALWAYS says that!”

CD looked crestfallen.  “But I won.  I never win anything.”

“Yes, probably because no-one else was idiotic enough to try to win an earth year’s supply of what has been voted The Galaxy’s Most Revolting Sauce for the last 6 years running, ever since the Gorbelgruncher Snottensaucen factory thankfully closed down.  Anyway, you did win that robomusic competition on Acturus-1, remember?”

“But that inadvertently started a civil war!“

“Well, you can’t have everything.”

This preposterous discussion was interrupted by a distress call.  There was a lot of static but the words “stuck… can’t lift off… please help” could be heard.  Having nothing better to do and being of a generally helpful disposition, Captain Disaster decided to investigate and see what they could do to help.