(Note - misspellings are 99% likely to be intentional.)
“Bilbo, I thought you said you were going to give me a
ring?”
“Sorry about that. It’s the Sauron
charges on phone calls these days. And, you see, I’ve had a problem talking.”
Gandlaf winced at the mention of
the dreaded
name of EVIL, or perhaps it was just the awful pun. “That
doesn’t seem likely, old friend. What happened then, anyway? Balrog got
your tongue?”
“Well, not exactly. I had a terrible disease, you see.”
”Oh?”
“Yeah – I got Wormtongue.” In his mind, Bilbo heard a fanfare going and
a crowd laughing and cheering. His
reaction from Gandalf was slightly less enthusiastic.
“Ah. I see your sense of humour hasn’t improved.”
Bilbo ignored this slur. “But the healing hands of the King
saved me! That and Beechams Cold & Flu remedy.”
“Thou shalt not chit-chat! The
White Council have decided to move against the growing power of Wamralt, my
friend. We need your help. You have access to the Dwarves.”
“The Dwarves? What can the
Dwarves do against the many stores of Wamralt?”
Bilbo wondered how Gandalf knew that he still had dwarven pen friends.
Once more Gandalf groaned internally at the stupidity of this fat little
creature, who was only key to the plot by diabolically deliciously devious
downright dubious device of a ludicrously lunatic literary literally lyrical
nature. “Dwarves, my old friend, have axes. Because you know what
more stores mean?”
“GASP! Mordors!”
Yes, it really is this bad. If you actually enjoyed it, seek professional help, after buying the eBook from Amazon Kindle UK or Amazon Kindle US. Or another Amazon online store in your country.
You know it makes sense.
